Love Is For Dorks
by RayMontague
Summary: Mercutio is hopeless at romance, Romeo is a useless heterosexual, and Benvolio is too innocent and honest to know how to take a hint. Modern AU. Benvolio/Mercutio. Written for a prompt on Tumblr.


Two weeks ago, Mercutio realized that he was in love with his friend.

It was a difficult feeling to come to terms with - he wasn't exactly a fan of romance - so he had tried to push it away.

But that had only made it worse, and now he could no longer ignore the burst of colour that went off in him at every friendly touch, every warm glance, every shining smile and every golden laugh.

So, lying awake on this warm Sunday night, Mercutio decided it was time to act.

He was going to give in and ask his friend out.

* * *

On Monday, he approached Benvolio with his usual saunter and grin, trying to act natural. His disguise must not have been as effective as he thought, because Benvolio looked a mix of amused, confused and concerned as Mercutio walked towards him.

"Uh, hey, Mercutio. What's up?"

"The sky", Mercutio replied, grinning as his friend groaned and rolled his eyes at hearing that awful joke for the thousandth time.

"Alright, let me rephrase that. What brings you here this fine morning?"

This was it. The moment of truth had arrived. Mercutio took a deep breath. "Well, I was thinking maybe we… uh, you… I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie with me?" He hoped he wasn't blushing too much.

"Sure, that sounds like fun!", Benvolio smiled. "Should I invite Romeo too? I bet he'd want to join us", he added, innocently interpreting the date as something totally platonic.

Mercutio, not knowing how to react, hastily stammered out a "yes", mentally slapping himself immediately after.

"Alright, I'll go talk to him. We'll text you to work out the details. See you!"

"...bye…"

Mercutio stood cursing at himself for several minutes as he watched his friend walk away.

* * *

On Tuesday, Mercutio decided to try something more obvious.

He was a master of cheesy pick-up lines, so why not put some to use? He even had some science-y ones up his sleeve that were perfect for the studious Benvolio.

And this time, to prevent unwanted outbursts, he'd do everything via texting - that way, he'd have a chance to think of what to say before typing it out. He wouldn't fail this time.

He sent his first text.

_1:20 pm - hey ben_

_1:21 pm - if i could rearrange the periodic table, id put uranium and iodine together_

When he got tired of waiting for a reply, he sent the rest of what he had.

_1:32 pm - are u oxygen and magnesium? bc OMg_

_1:35 pm - ive got my ion u baby 3_

_1:39 pm - are u made of copper and tellurium? bc ur CuTe_

_1:44 pm - i wish i was adenine so i could be paired with U_

_1:50 pm - u must be the one 4 me bc my selectively permeable membrane let u through_

Mercutio spent the next hour anxiously awaiting a response. Finally, his phone went off, and he grabbed it frantically to see -

_2:59 pm - haha, these are fun! did you find them online, or do you actually know more about science than you let on in class? you should show these to Mr. B, he'll be impressed!_

Mercutio threw his phone across the room.

* * *

On Wednesday, Mercutio had had enough of these false interpretations of his romantic advances.

He marched up to the Montague mansion, ready to tell Benvolio exactly how he felt.

He confidently reached out and rang the doorbell. Benvolio's aunt, Mrs. Montague herself, answered.

"Oh, hello, Mercutio! I'll call Romeo and Benvolio down for you - "

Mercutio panicked. "Actually, nevermind! I just remembered, I, uh, I have a, uh, thing to go to! Yeah! Sorry to bother you ma'am; have a lovely day!"

"If only he were always this polite", Mrs. Montague muttered as Mercutio ran away from her house.

* * *

On Thursday, a mysterious package appeared at the front door of the Montague mansion.

"Hey Ben, someone left cupcakes at the door for you!", called Romeo, always the first of the family to go outside to enjoy the summer weather.

"...cupcakes?" Benvolio looked down from the second floor, an expression of utter bewilderment colouring his face.

"Yeah, and they're pink, and there's a heart on the box." Romeo grinned. "You have a secret admirer!"

Benvolio's expression did not change, but he looked a little redder than usual. "Who would send me pink cupcakes?"

"I bet she's pretty", Romeo sighed dreamily.

"I'm going back to bed."

* * *

On Friday, Mercutio, disappointed that Benvolio hadn't realized who the cupcakes were from, decided to ask a romantic expert for advice.

"Romeo, what would you do if you were madly in love with someone, but you didn't know how to tell them?"

"Well, I'd just tell her!", Romeo exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Then he drifted into thought. "Maybe I'd write her a poem… or give her flowers… or ask her to kiss me in a really sweet way!" He nodded. "Girls love that stuff."

"Okay… thanks…"

"Wait, why are you asking?" Romeo's eyes shined with excitement. "Are you in love? Who is it? Do I know her? Tell me!"

Mercutio mumbled something about leaving the oven on, and took off before Romeo could ask why Mercutio would be using an oven in the first place.

* * *

On Saturday evening, Benvolio started to worry.

"Romeo, have you noticed that Mercutio hasn't been himself lately? I've barely seen him these past few days."

"Yeah, he _has_ been acting weird! But", Romeo grinned, "he talked to me yesterday, and I think he's in love! He wouldn't tell me who it is, though." He giggled. "Gosh, she must be really pretty to have Mercutio acting up like this."

"In love? Are you sure? Mercutio isn't exactly the type to fall in love", Benvolio pointed out. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. Maybe he'll tell _me_ what's been bothering him."

* * *

On Sunday, Mercutio had given up on his romantic quest when Benvolio unexpectedly showed up at his house.

Sitting in Mercutio's bedroom, Benvolio spoke in his typical soft, concerned voice. (Mercutio tried to convince himself that the reason he felt so warm was because it was August, not because of that voice.)

"Mercutio, is something going on that you're not telling is about? You know you can talk to me about it." Benvolio smiled. "I won't judge, I promise."

Mercutio was overcome with all of those awful emotions he'd been trying to avoid. He thought of what to say. He went through a thousand different speeches in his head. But when he finally opened his mouth, only three words came out.

"I LOVE YOU."

The two boys sat and stared at each other for a moment, both of them wide-eyed and very red - Benvolio shocked at what he had just heard; Mercutio mortified at what he had just said.

"Uh", Mercutio said, breaking the silence, "forget I said anything. I didn't say anything. Did I say anything? I don't think I -"

Benvolio cut him off. "You… love me?"

Mercutio sighed defeatedly. "Look, I've been trying to ask you out all week, okay? I just keep messing up and nothing's worked because I'm so damn useless at emotions and you deserve better than me." He angrily wiped tears from his face. "Seriously, forget I ever said anything."

Benvolio laughed quietly. "I thought Romeo was the one who got over-dramatic about love." He ran his hand through his hair. "But seriously, Merc, if you really feel that way…" he laughed again. "You could've just told me."

"See, now you're laughing at me. You - wait, what?"

"You could have just told me you liked me", Benvolio repeated. "I -" his laugh shook a bit this time. "Wow, I - I'd love to go out with you!'

Mercutio's horror and embarrassment softened to disbelief. "You would?"

"Of course!" Benvolio's face was very red now, and he ducked his head down and smiled in the most disgustingly adorable way possible. "I mean, I might have asked you out if I'd known there was a chance you'd say yes - I thought you hated romance!"

"I thought so too! But then there's _you_" - Mercutio glared at Benvolio - "and you're so infuriatingly adorable and I want to hold your hand and cuddle with you and buy you ice cream and kiss your dumb face." Mercutio pouted and slumped back helplessly.

Benvolio laughed again. "Well, I'm up for that if you are."

Mercutio sat straight up. "Great!", he exclaimed, voice cracking embarrassingly. "But, uh, don't tell anyone, okay? I don't do gushy love stuff. Love is for dorks like Romeo."

Benvolio laughed _again_, and Mercutio hated that he still wasn't tired of hearing it. "Whatever you say, dear."

Mercutio certainly wasn't happy about being called "dear". It absolutely did not make his face go hot and his chest flutter.

_Confessing my love was a terrible idea_, Mercutio thought as he walked out of his room holding his new boyfriend's hand, trying his best to ignore the fact that he couldn't remember a moment in his life when he felt happier than this.


End file.
